*I carried this post, written October 1st, 2014, over from our older blog to begin this very new blog. Learn more about us here! *
I have been absent from our blog for a while. Tonight as I walked the dog around the neighborhood, I felt such a strong tug on my heart to come here and share my most personal feelings. To talk about why I stopped going to baby showers a year ago. To talk about how, even though over the course of the past two years there has been a lot of good and COUNTLESS blessings, my heart has been aching. Maybe it is the recent email I sent out to loved ones and the incredible amount of support I received in response that has made me feel brave? Maybe it is the most recent baby shower, the first one in a year, that has triggered certain emotions and I am left feeling so tender? Maybe it is the date that marked another year and look back at where the journey has taken us? I don’t really have a perfect answer. Except here I am, infertile.
Part of me wants to write it all down so I don’t forget it. Not that I will ever forget, but the little details. The God moments. I want to make sure I hold onto those forever. I’m not sure I’ll write in chronological order. I can’t promise that things won’t get sad. In fact, I promise that they will. If medical terms like sperm, ultrasound, ovulation, and period offend you, stop reading. I get it, the word sperm can clear a room. But this is my everyday language. This is the pain that I identify myself with.
Tonight I want to talk about how I came to be a part of something that has saved my life, my support group. I honestly can’t begin to imagine where I would be without them. It wouldn’t be pretty friends. My support group has become such a huge part of my life that I think it is exactly where I should start. I am a part of this group because God put me there. Continue reading