Last week marked the halfway point in twin pregnancy! As exciting as reaching that maker is, it came with a flood of anxiety. Will wanted to wait to open a box “just in case” and a twin blog I read (and love) did a series in August on birth stories, that I clearly was not in a good place to be reading all of the complications and NICU stays each story told. In trickled fear little by little. It’s crazy to me how all of a sudden that sneaky little fear can grab a hold of my heart. And how easy it can be to give power to it. We opened that box anyway, and I stopped reading all the stories. The most recent pregnancy after infertility and loss (PAIL) support group came at just the right time. Being in the same room with those friends made me feel better, without even having to say anything. Each person in that room wrestles with fear and anxiety. Loren said, you can’t put your faith in your body, you have to put your faith in God. And oh my gosh when she said that, I knew that’s exactly what I needed to hear and be reminded of. Since then, that fear has slowly trickled away. Kim gave everyone in the group pregnancy prayer cards that I have used every single morning the past two weeks to put my faith in God with this pregnancy. To take action each day and declare God’s word. To kick fear in the teeth. To steady my heart. To trust.
Father, in Jesus’ name, I confess Your Word this day over my pregnancy and the birth of my children. I stand in faith during this pregnancy and birth, not giving any room to fear, but possessing power, love, and a sound mind, as Your Word promises in 2 Timothy 1:7…”
I have been very conscious about posting too much, or sharing too much. I pause because all I see are the faces of friends, or comments from readers of this blog, and their tender hearts. My infertility wounds run deep, I remember the pain. The last thing I want to do is have my happiness be a slap across the face of someone else who may be in a season of wait, experiencing loss, facing another failed cycle, or strain in their marriage due to infertility. Since we are at the halfway point, I am going to share a few pictures for your halftime entertainment. This is your out if you want to stop reading! Continue reading